On Simplestead we like to write about happy things, positive experiences that are moving us in the right direction. But life isn't a constant string of beautiful moments. In between there is hardship, frustration, and loss or mediocrity. That is reality and if we want to have a great life, we have to learn to deal with everything life throws as us, the good and the bad.
So today I want to share some of the ups and downs we faced last year, not to provoke sympathy or pity, but to illustrate the cycles of life and to show that no matter what, we all have good and bad times and we have to rely on our family and friends to persevere. I also felt talking about these things will help us heal and pay homage to those we have lost.
At the beginning of 2012, we had to say goodbye to our dear dog, Heidi. She was a nine year old red lab who was so gentle and sweet and loved going everywhere with us. We knew she was slowing down but she continued to love to go hiking with us. We were fortunate enough to have another dog come into our lives right before Heidi passed, a yellow lab named Marci. Marci was full of love and energy and Jake was teaching her how to be a bird dog. Unfortunately we also had to say goodbye to Marci a few days ago. It was so hard because Marci was only five years old. Both dogs died at home with us, all within a year. The loss of a companion animal is a deep pain that is so hard to get over. It is very hard to walk into the house and there isn't a dog to greet you. The house feels so empty. We still have our two cats and the rabbits, but nothing takes the place of a dog.
I know that with the aspirations of a farm, we are going to encounter animal death. It is just the nature of the game. You have to kill animals to eat them, animals get sick and die and we don't know why or can't prevent it. We have to deal with death, it sucks. It isn't fair to lose those you love.
Besides the dogs leaving us, we also had to endure the loss of two others this year. In June, we lost my best friend, Kelly. She was only 26. It was so hard to loose her. The circumstances were awful surrounding her death. She was and still is very important to me. She could always make me laugh and she always made you feel special, because she was so special. She was beautiful and full of life, and that is how I will always remember her. Her death affected everyone she knew and no one is every going to be the same without her.
Prior to Kelly's passing, I had an early term miscarriage in February. That was a very hard and heartbreaking experience. Jake and I were shaken by the whole thing. We wondered if we would ever be able to have a successful pregnancy, or if we were even ever meant to have babies. We just never thought it could happen to us, truth is, it can happen to anyone. No matter how healthy or young you are, if that baby is not developing just right, your body knows. Jake and I had each other, along with the support of all of our friends and family and that support helped us stay strong and positive. After a few months, we decided to try to get pregnant again.
In July, I found out I was pregnant again. At first I was terrified because I did not want to loose another baby. But we relied a lot on faith to get us through. We pray everyday for this baby to be born healthy and happy. I felt as if my best friend, Kelly, smiled down upon me and put in a good word for us to let this baby come into our lives because I found out I was pregnant soon after Kelly died. Now we are almost 31 weeks along and our little girl will be here soon. Carrying this baby has been the highlight of our year. We can smile down at my belly and look forward to being parents. There is a silver lining to all of this.
Life goes on, no matter what. Some days you don't know how you are possibly going to carry on, but you do. We persevere, we heal, we forgive. If I have learned anything from 2012, it is that we are not in control and the more we try to believe we are, the more the universe reminds us that we are not. We must learn to rely on faith and on those we love and to live in the moment. Don't dwell on the things that don't really matter, shed yourself of the things that don't serve you or your purpose. Hold those you love tightly. Embrace the New Year.
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